Is it ok to dislike your kid....?

What you say?  Yes.  I said, "Is it ok to dislike your kid?"   The 15 year old and the 10 year old....very good babies.  They slept through the night by 6 weeks old.  They were calm and easy to deal with.  I never had to "baby proof" the house.  Although the 15 year old went through a short phase where he put things in his mouth and wouldn't stop sucking on his fingers.  We quickly fixed that with a little hot sauce and an appliance lovingly put in by the orthodontist.   The 2 year old....a different story.    The moment he was born it was like I was a trailer park and he was the tornado.  He didn't sleep well.  He couldn't take ANY formulas.  And projectile vomiting.  That's right ladies and gentlemen, when he threw up, you better not be within 10 to 20 feet of him.  I probably washed more clothes, sheets, and burp cloths than anybody.  Our burp cloths were not like everyone elses.  Everyone else had cute little blue pieces of cloth with a picture of a lion or a doggie on them.  Some people had their little monograms on their burp cloth.  I guess they wanted to make sure that their kid threw up in style.  Our burp cloths were full size towels.  They did not have little pictures on them.  He had ear infection after ear infection....tubes....infections....acid reflux....$50 a can formula that only lasted for 2 days...none of these things made me dislike the two year old.    He eventually had his second birthday.  That is when I punched my ticket for hell.  I had heard stories of the dreaded terrible two's.  Horrible stories.  I had seen mothers cry and beg people to babysit for them so they could have a few moments of peace and quiet.  I had seen fathers work overtime to stay away from their kid.  I had seen what the terrible two can do to people.  I had never experienced these so-called "terrible two's."  I actually said, "There is no such thing as the terrible two's.  Either they aren't parenting their kid or it's a psychological thing....kind of like postpartum depression or something.  Why don't they just whip that kid's ass?"  I am sorry.  This is my apology for even thinking those things.  If I had known what those parents were going through, I would have donated to the cause or....something.      Now I know what a living hell it can be to have a child going through the terrible two's.  It started with a little bite here and there...a temper tantrum every now and then.  Then the boy graduated to full fledge tantrums lasting about 30 minutes to an hour at a time.  These tantrums included cuss words, kicking, screaming, hitting, and the occasional inanimate object thrown at my head.  I had to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee for survival.  I was being abused by my toddler.  The weird part is that he actually looked possessed during these tantrums.  He showed a sort of madness that had to have been brought on by a supernatural force taking over his little body.  His eyes were empty and bloodshot.  His face would turn beet red and his whole body would begin to go rigid.  I was raising Satan's Spawn...that explained the projectile vomiting.  I was video taping these tantrums because I swore something was wrong with my kid.  I just knew we were gonna have to see a child psychiatrist and I was gonna have documented proof that my kid was crazy.   No one understood why I didn't want to go anywhere.  I knew the truth and most people thought I was overexaggerating.  I heard, "Oh...it can't be THAT bad." countless times!   They didn't know the devil that lived in my house...

Every meal ended with his plate being thrown across the room.  He would scream every time we got into the car because he did not want to be strapped down to his carseat.  I would be intensely out of breath after I finally got him into his carseat because of the fight that ensued each and every time.   I am not above begging my pediatrician to give him meds....or to give me meds.  I sure needed them.  I was afraid to take him anywhere.  I was on pins and needles every time we left the house....is he gonna tell the priest to f**k off at church on Sunday?   Is he going to take off running during dinner and take out a table of unsuspecting old ladies in a restaraunt?   Is he gonna throw something at someone and put them in a coma?  Seriously, it was that bad.  My nerves were shot and I was reduced to tears on more than one occasion.  If you are a WebMD like me, you can look these things up on the net.  Everything I read said he had a number of things wrong with him....one of which was bipolar disorder.  Now I am freaking out because I am thinking our lives will stay like this forever.  Next the nightmares and night terrors began.  The "monsters" and "bad guys" started showing up in his bedroom.  We were spraying the room with "Holy Water" every night.  We told him the priest gave it to us just for "bad guys" and "monsters."  The spouse and I are both cops, so we staged a homicide of the "monsters" and "bad guys" complete with crime scene tape. 

Nothing would convince him that they did not exist.  Then I started thinking, "Maybe they don't exist to us...but they exist for him."  I was ready to call in for an exorcism.  Finally I just put my foot down and said, "Mommy will never let anyone in this house to hurt you.  See this big rifle?  I am pretty good at the firing range..."  Well, you get my meaning.   These things went on for what seemed like forever.  I was convinced that we were going to start seeing therapists and put the kid on meds.  That says a lot because I am one of those who thinks too many kids are put on meds when they really shouldn't be. 
I was starting to really dislike my child.  I felt guilty about feeling that way.  I wasn't supposed to dislike my child...I have been given this wonderful miracle and I had grown to dislike him.  I have ALWAYS loved him...never stopped loving him, but I couldn't stand to be around him.  I really couldn't stand to be left alone with him.  It's more like I was afraid for my own safety at times.  It was horrible because we were stuck in the house together all day by ourselves.   I tried getting him outside to feed the ducks at the lake or go to the park.  I was afraid to let him be around other people.  Nothing helped.
All of a sudden...about a month ago now...things started changing.  He is turning into this sweet little boy.  Every now and then, he will just hug me and say, "Love you mama."  It's the best thing in the world.  He actually sat through a Spelling Bee at the 10 year old's elementary school.  Although I could tell he had thoughts of jumping out of his chair and diving right into the middle of the cake decorated to look like a bee....he resisted.  I was proud...big step for us...HUGE!  Even my parents were shocked.  He isn't mixing his mashed potatoes with juice as much as he used to.  His plate stays on his tray until I come to clear it away.   He does continue to drop a scrap for his best friend, the Chihuahua, every night.
I realized I didn't really dislike my kid....I disliked the little monster that possessed my kid for a while.  I think it's ok to dislike that kid for a little while.  It may be the only thing that keeps you sane or from beating the crap out of him.  The two year old is about to be a three year old. on February 5th of this year.  He has a vision of a Batman birthday party....because he believes with his heart of hearts that there is a "Batman Store" somewhere that has Batman everything.  And I am thinking everything will probably be ok...he isn't that serial killer I thought I was raising after all!  And there really is such a thing as the "terrible two's."

Guru Mama Mel's Mess hall

I am typing this blog and I hear activity in the kitchen.  The kitchen.  Mess hall is a more appropriate name for our "kitchen" anyway.  The room in the house I am learning to despise.  The 2 year old is chanting...."Mom....I want some tea....Mom....I want some tea."  Raising a good Southern/Puerto Rican boy.  He loves tea.  Hold on, I have to make sure he isn't pouring it all out in the den floor for sport.
 ****BREAK****
I'm back.  He was pouring it into the "God Cup".  Explanation:  that is the little green cup with a picture of Jesus on the side.  Don't know where we picked up that piece of fine china.  The Kitchen.  I love to cook.  Really I do.  I love to watch the Food Network.  Then I realized I was getting fat because I was trying to cook all this stuff they make on the Food Network.  Maybe I was watching the wrong shows.  But I just can't eat a tiny plate of food and be happy with that.  Last night I ate a cheeseburger and a crap-load of chips for dinner.
****BREAK****  2 year old spilled tea on his Batman socks....Holy crap Batman!  He is freaking out.
I have all the tools and some know-how in the kitchen.
Cooking:  The meals I cook are edible and sometimes good.  Here is my rant for the day:  I have to cook dinner every night.  The truth:  most every night.  Sometimes I suck and go get pizza.  For the most part, I don't mind the cooking too much.  The spouse works hard every day.  He brings home some bacon.  I am proud.  However, I do not look as good as Giada or Rachael when they are just steaming up some veggies or cooking up a "simple" sauce that is so versatile it can be used for anything.

No....Who really looks like this besides Giada?  She is gorgeous.  Show me a chick running around the kitchen with a t-shirt, no bra, yoga pants, and croc flip flops on.  That's me.   And don't forget the 2 year old running into me every 3 minutes.

That's more like it.  I am running around like a blue-arsed fly trying to keep the mashed potatoes from overflowing on the stove and checking to make sure the meat is fully cooked.  (I am a freak when it comes to making sure the meat is cooked through.  I actually tell the waiter that at restaurants..."Make sure the pork is cooked all the way through.") All the while, I am hollering at the 2 year old to get himself out of the kitchen before something awful happens to him.  Sometimes I pop open a bottle of cheap wine....it makes things easier.  I sure wish I could cook what I want....but the spouse only eats meat, mashed potatoes, and corn.   See how many meals you can come up with only using those three ingredients.  Anyway....I like to listen to Pitbull while I am cooking.  Dancing with my wooden spoon just doesn't work out when you have a 2 year old beneath your feet.  I am sure that Mr. Worldwide would agree.  
Serving:  I am always the LAST one to get my food and sit down.  Have to cut up meat for the 2 year old's first helping while hollering, "Come eat y'all!"  Get plates out of cabinet...or dishwasher....still hollering, "Y'all get in here and eat!"  15 year old emerges from dungeon, "What?"  "Time to eat." "Gosh."  And if you have seen Napolean Dynamite, you know exactly what that sounded like.  15 year old piles food on plate.  "Other people have to eat, son."  15 year old is 6'2", 179lb.  Eats lotta food.  Spouse fixes plate.  I put juice in the God cup and fix 10 year old's plate.  I fix my plate.  I have to cut up meat for 2 year old's second helping.  I make my way to the den with hopes that someone hasn't snagged the recliner.  ("I called it first!")  By the way, we don't eat at the table anymore.  BAD mommy...I know!!!!!  I always swore when I was younger that the family would always eat at the table together.  Screw that!  The kitchen table is a "catch-all".  We don't have to pray over our food...because I have been doing that the whole time I was cooking!  It's already blessed!  It's more fun for us to watch "America's Funniest Videos" while we eat anyway.   I've heard enough about their day from 2:30 PM until now.  Why do I want to hear it again?  Of course, by the time I sit down to eat, everyone else is done eating.  So I sit in my recliner and start to eat my dinner.  2 year old says "I done.  Let me out."  several times.  I clean up highchair tray plastered with mashed potatoes mixed with juice from the "God Cup."   Then I get up and go wash everyone's dishes.  God forbid if any of them know how to rinse off a friggin' plate or even put it in the sink!  I spend the next several minutes cleaning the mess in the kitchen...while a 2 year old runs into me repeatedly because it's fun.  (This whole scenario is assuming that the 15 year old does not have practice of some sort thrown into the mix:  football, wrestling, or track and field.  At that point, forget it....pizza.)  Next, chances are I change a poopy diaper....getting everyone ready for bed is another reason to drink.  I finally sit down in the den....and the spouse is tired from work so he gets ready for bed.  The spouse's job is another blog....
So don't complain when you get $5 pizza from Little Caesar's for dinner.  You're lucky you are getting that these days.  We keep Little Caesar's in business.

And I was thinking...maybe I could just go to the bathroom ONE TIME without someone busting in on me.   Gotta go...the 2 year old just informed me that he is eating "hot chips and they are good."  No telling.....

The Spouse's Cheap-Ass Birthday Bash

So I decided that the theme for the spouse's birthday party tonight would be:  "Rob's Cheap-Ass Birthday Bash!"  It totally sums up your life when you have a bunch of kids.  That is the point you become a "cheap-ass" person.  That makes everything else "cheap-ass."   My fave store is the Dollar Store.

In keeping with it, next year's party will be the 

"I'm So Hood Social."

I'm BAAAACK!!

Back from the 'mini-vacay" with the Spouse....just a little get-away for his birthday.  Pay attention!  Something hilarious could've come out of this trip!! 

I Just Wanna Choke This Lady Out!!

This one is for the husbands....well, it's actually for all of us.  But the spouses will appreciate this one more than most of my blogs!  The spouse and I went to a BarBQ recently at the home of some very close friends.  There were some guests there we did not know and, of course, guests that we did know.   Well....the whole reason I am writing about this is because there was something about this BarBQ that has been eatin' at me.  Yes, I said eatin' at me....no pun intended.  Well those who read this blog and those who know me well, will attest to the fact that I try very hard to surround myself with positive people and positive thoughts.  You see, I am a firm believer in 'there is nothing you can do about it now....it will work itself out...worrying about it is not going to change it.'  It's hard to live that way but I try my best.  That doesn't mean that the occasional morsel of negativity does not come out of my mouth. BarBQ:  A guest at this BarBQ (we will call her Ms. Jinx) was so incredibly negative and pessimistic.  No matter how hard I tried to overlook her negativity, I just couldn't.  I sat in awe of her all night long.  She was like a really bad accident.  You don't want to look, but you have to.  She was like a black hole just sucking the life out of me.   Like a vampire....she was robbing me of my positive energy!  Judy Orloff wrote a book called "Positive Energy".  She describes negative people as "sob sisters", "drama queens", and "the blamer".  Nicely put.  And just so happens to describe this lady perfectly.    So I watched Ms. Jinx all night long.  I was amazed by her behavior.  I know I must have been driving the spouse crazy because I would look over every few minutes and say, "Can you believe what she just said?"  or "Oh my gosh!  She is terrible!"  or "I don't know how her poor husband lives with her!"   Then I started wondering...."Am I anything like that?"  And since I have been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks, I started to wonder if I behaved like that myself at times.  Do I suck the life out of the people around me?  Am I as positive as I claim to be?  Well, most definitely not!  That would be ridiculous!  Anyway...back to Ms. Jinx.  At one point during the evening,  Mr. Jinx came over and asked Ms. Jinx if he could go do something.  OK!!  NOW I AM REELING!!  What?  Did he really just ask her for permission to go do something????  OMG!  Yes he did!! Gosh I hope I never treat the spouse that way!  I have heard the spouse ask his friends if they need a permission slip to go do something....it's funny.  Sometimes we don't realize the situation of another.  But why treat the spouse like a child?  Don't you know that it will only make him resent you?
(Side note:  Some people say that you cannot believe in positive energy and God at the same time.  Well I think that's a craptastic way to look things.  We will not argue the existence of positive energy and negative energy as opposed to leading a Christian life and/or believing in a Supreme Being. That is not what this blog is about...that is an argument for another day!)
Ms. Jinx had control over me.  Why was she so hurt?  Did she hate her job?  Was her marriage an unhappy one?  Does she have a good relationship with her family?  Does she have a family?  I knew nothing about Ms. Jinx.  Nothing.  Well I take that back.  I knew she was an unhappy person.  I knew she had a spouse.  Maybe she just wanted to be heard.  I began to notice that she rarely spoke to anyone other than her spouse and when she did, she was complaining about something or another.  How depressing.  I began to feel weak and drained.  She WAS a vampire.  I didn't think they existed, but here was a real "live" vampire right in front of my face.  And she looked nothing like Edward or Jacob.  (Had to throw that in there for the Twi-hard fans!)  If she had looked like Edward or Jacob, it wouldn't have mattered what words came out her mouth!  I tried to remain completely detached but I couldn't do it.  I realize that I still see her in my head because I fear that I may be just like her.  Well I refuse to be a Ms. Jinx!  Since I am intelligent and all, here is how I will handle this:

1.  If I create a negative state of mind by reacting in a less than positive manner – no matter how justified that reaction may be – I will have created that negative state of mind.  It will be my fault.  I will not be labeled as "the blamer."  The two year old gets me to react in horrible ways sometimes.  So does the spouse.  And that makes it sound like the spouse is like the two year old---not so!  (Sorry babe!)  Oops!  That was like getting a shot.  This is me cringing.

 

2.  Trash some folks:  get rid of the negative people in my life. So I won't be able to get rid of people I work with.  I can't get a new family.  So maybe I won't be able to get rid of all the negative people in my life, but I sure can limit any interaction I have with them!   Recently I made some people mad.  I am a Facebook junkie;  addicted to it.  I see a lot of negative comments on Facebook.  It usually comes from women.  Very rarely do I see any negative comments come from men, and when I do, it is because of something that happened at work or something a woman did to them.  But women are ruthless and mean.  Mostly to each other!   I know we are.  I am one.  My Facebook was draining me, too....tired of the negativity.  So I deleted some people.  Oops!  Another shot.   Use your recycle bin regularly and you won't have to listen to it anymore.  Now I am up to date on all my shots.

3. "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile!"  There are several studies to indicate that people are happier when they smile.  Whether you have a reason or not.  Smile like you mean it.

4.  Pay It Forward.  Great movie.  Do something nice for someone.  It will make you both feel better.

5.  Find the positive:  while I was in complete and total awe of Ms. Jinx, I should have found the good in the whole situation.  I didn't.  I have now!  She is the reason I am looking at my own positive and negative energies!  I will look for something good to come out of negative things.  As I type, the 15 year old is sitting in a chair behind me.  Not because he wants to, but because he has to.  Kind of a teenage time out.  He would absolutely kill me if he knew I was typing this!  I am sure it would ruin his social life....Oh that would be terrible.  I am sure he will find the positive in the situation in about 20 years...when he has a teenager of his own.

6.  Meditation:  There are dozens of ways to meditate.  Some have different views of what meditation actually is.  I like the whole sit-and-listen-to-soft-music-by-Norah-Jones-and-Anoushka-Shankar kind of meditating.  I am also partial to the prayer bead thing.  Prayer is a powerful thing and some people actually feel better after they do it.  You have to find your own way to manufacture time to look within yourself and find peace.

I think that's enough.  I can't do too much at one time...I can be a good multi-tasker, but I am not good enough to have 8 steps.  That's why I hope I never have a drinking problem.  I would never make it through AA.  Choose to be content with what you already have.  Look around you and be grateful for all that you see. Realize that there are people less fortunate than you and right now they are praying for what you have right now.  What were you wishing or praying for 3 years ago?  Is it anything like what you have right now?  

This is where I thank Ms. Jinx for being a nasty lady. I did want to choke her out.  The spouse made comment that he would have to hit her in her mouth if he had to live with her.  There is my answer!  The spouse has never hit me in the mouth, therefore, I must not be a vampire!  Either that, or he is afraid of going to jail.....And now I am like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Time to look on the brighter side because the grass is greener right where I am standing.  It just takes too much time to realize it. 

 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable..
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What did he say ?"
He said: "My Poor Child, who hacked up your hair?"

 

Sidenote:  Are there chicks that really dress like this?  I am sure somebody does.

I mean, why would you even wear that out in the cold?  Those boots aren't even waterproof!

Eat, Pray, Love in 2011

DISCOVERY.  I thought my life, until the last few years, could very easily be described by a phrase used most often by the 15 year old:  Epic Fail.  Epic Fail is not only the third episode of the sixth season of House, but also a catastrophic failure.  I don't mean just any failure.  This is the kind of failure that, well, you just about do not recover from.  Many epic failures have changed the world...such as....the Challenger exploding...the Exxon Valdez...Charles marrying Camilla...and one of my worst fears:  getting a tattoo of a Chinese symbol that means "peace" or "strength'....only to find out that it's really the symbol for "sick tree-frog".   I forced the spouse the watch the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" with me last night.  I have been waiting to watch this movie for a while now.  I bought the book when the movie came out in theaters.  I read the first few chapters between diaper changes and cleaning the carpets for the millionth time it seems.  Mostly I got to read a few lines at a time while I sat and waited in the car pick-up line at the elementary school or in doctor's office waiting rooms.  All that said....I never finished it.  While I was watching this movie....which I consider a life-changing event...I realized that my word is not 'Discovery".  My word is "Enlightenment".   Because honestly, this movie was enlightening.  I have spent a lot of time worrying about everything:  money, the children, work, doctor's appointments, the general health and well-being of my family, my weight.  It being the New Year and all....everyone is talking about resolutions. Well this movie was full of resolutions.  If I didn't have one before last night....I do now!  Actually, a few.  As a matter of fact, I wanted to hop outta bed, pack my bags, and head to Italy and just eat for 3 months...

My weight....that's an enlightening experience in itself.  I have gained a lot of weight since the 2 year old's arrival was on the horizon.  I know this.  I do not need anyone to tell me I gained a few pounds....or that I need to lose a few pounds...or what size I USED to be....or how much skinnier my sister is than me.  I already know all of these things and I don't need you to remind me because the mirror I look into everyday does that already.   But I will tell you...food is wonderful....that's why I gained weight.  I love food.  It tastes so good.   Food makes me happy.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I saw Julia Roberts eating everything in sight in Italy and being absolutely happy about it....and it was OK....then she went to shop for bigger jeans!!!  And it was still OK!  The not so OK part for me....the bigger jeans were a size 6!!  I laughed out loud!  However, I have just started getting back in the gym--good thing.  Get rid of the "muffin top"--good thing.   Maybe I should just be happy with who I am and try to be healthier at the same time.   Hmmm.....good thing.

Finding God...that's huge!  How do you find something you cannot see?  You find your faith. Calvin, Wesley and Luther agree: Faith is a gift of God and it comes only by grace.  So I put myself in the stream of God's grace again.   I have gotten back into church.  I went on hiatus for a while.  Work schedule was a factor.  Also, I don't care what you say, but you CAN get "burned out" on church.  When the doors opened, I was there:  directing VBS, directing choirs, etc.  I am not saying by any means that you can get "burned out" on God.  You can choose not to worship or pray.  You can be angry at God.  I was.  Why was I broke?  Why was I overweight?  Why was it so easy for people to take advantage of me?  Why are my kids sick?  Why does everything have to be so hard?  Why did God do this to me?   My prayer life was almost non-existent for a while.  If you don't have anything nice to say....don't say anything at all.  Right?  Well I didn't have anything nice to say to God.  At all.  As a matter of fact, I think I got into a couple of knock-down, drag-out fist fights with God.  He always won of course.  For some reason He always has the last Word.  I guess that whole having it written down in a book thing gets us every time.  So if I look back on my Epic Fail:  the times that I did pray were better.   One amazing truth:  YOU have nothing to do with losing your faith....I rejected God's grace and resisted my faith.  As the 2 year old sings, "Baby Jesus, where are you?"  Things are so simple for the 2 year old.   I am going to manufacture more time for my God...

Love....How hard is it to love yourself?  Very hard.  Again, I don't care what you say:  No one is happy with everything about themselves.  And you should  be.  If we can all find the peace within ourselves instead of trying to make peace with ourselves, we can learn to love ourselves.  Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī....the thirteenth-century Persian poet.  His work is written in the Sufi tradition.  It is an exploration into the meaning and miracles of love.  Rumi's writings have been translated into many languages; he is now one of the most universally read spiritual writers of our time.  I suggest you read some of his writings.  You will discover a new self and a new love for yourself and others.  

When the 2 year old smears poo on himself and tells me he just flushed my iPhone 4 down the toilet, I shall Eat my words, Pray for his safety, and Love him all the more...because he doesn't know any better and it's not his fault. 

When the 10 year old refuses to clean her room...again....like she has for the the last 4 or 5 months, I shall Eat some Salt and Vinegar chips, Pray that the Goodwill is open, and Love her reaction to an empty room....because maybe she will learn to be grateful for the things she has.  Not everyone has things.

When the 15 year old bites my head off and tells me I need to have a good reason to call him out of the dungeon that is his room:  I shall Eat a bag if Lindor Truffles, Pray that he finds a better relationship with God, and Love the look on his face when I tell him he just lost his XBOX 360 for a month....because maybe he will learn how to respect authority.

When the spouse says "Hey!  I was thinking..."  I shall Eat a $5 pizza with him, Pray his idea doesn't cost us any money, and Love his stupid idea.....because he has made it home safely yet again.  So I can.  

So....no more Epic Fail.  I will manufacture time to Eat, Pray, Love....that is my resolution. 

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."

Rumi 

Gas

The 2 year old says, "It comes from my butt." I am not real wild about that statement. Gas comes from lots of places. And things. And people are full of it.