Eat, Pray, Love in 2011

DISCOVERY.  I thought my life, until the last few years, could very easily be described by a phrase used most often by the 15 year old:  Epic Fail.  Epic Fail is not only the third episode of the sixth season of House, but also a catastrophic failure.  I don't mean just any failure.  This is the kind of failure that, well, you just about do not recover from.  Many epic failures have changed the world...such as....the Challenger exploding...the Exxon Valdez...Charles marrying Camilla...and one of my worst fears:  getting a tattoo of a Chinese symbol that means "peace" or "strength'....only to find out that it's really the symbol for "sick tree-frog".   I forced the spouse the watch the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" with me last night.  I have been waiting to watch this movie for a while now.  I bought the book when the movie came out in theaters.  I read the first few chapters between diaper changes and cleaning the carpets for the millionth time it seems.  Mostly I got to read a few lines at a time while I sat and waited in the car pick-up line at the elementary school or in doctor's office waiting rooms.  All that said....I never finished it.  While I was watching this movie....which I consider a life-changing event...I realized that my word is not 'Discovery".  My word is "Enlightenment".   Because honestly, this movie was enlightening.  I have spent a lot of time worrying about everything:  money, the children, work, doctor's appointments, the general health and well-being of my family, my weight.  It being the New Year and all....everyone is talking about resolutions. Well this movie was full of resolutions.  If I didn't have one before last night....I do now!  Actually, a few.  As a matter of fact, I wanted to hop outta bed, pack my bags, and head to Italy and just eat for 3 months...

My weight....that's an enlightening experience in itself.  I have gained a lot of weight since the 2 year old's arrival was on the horizon.  I know this.  I do not need anyone to tell me I gained a few pounds....or that I need to lose a few pounds...or what size I USED to be....or how much skinnier my sister is than me.  I already know all of these things and I don't need you to remind me because the mirror I look into everyday does that already.   But I will tell you...food is wonderful....that's why I gained weight.  I love food.  It tastes so good.   Food makes me happy.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I saw Julia Roberts eating everything in sight in Italy and being absolutely happy about it....and it was OK....then she went to shop for bigger jeans!!!  And it was still OK!  The not so OK part for me....the bigger jeans were a size 6!!  I laughed out loud!  However, I have just started getting back in the gym--good thing.  Get rid of the "muffin top"--good thing.   Maybe I should just be happy with who I am and try to be healthier at the same time.   Hmmm.....good thing.

Finding God...that's huge!  How do you find something you cannot see?  You find your faith. Calvin, Wesley and Luther agree: Faith is a gift of God and it comes only by grace.  So I put myself in the stream of God's grace again.   I have gotten back into church.  I went on hiatus for a while.  Work schedule was a factor.  Also, I don't care what you say, but you CAN get "burned out" on church.  When the doors opened, I was there:  directing VBS, directing choirs, etc.  I am not saying by any means that you can get "burned out" on God.  You can choose not to worship or pray.  You can be angry at God.  I was.  Why was I broke?  Why was I overweight?  Why was it so easy for people to take advantage of me?  Why are my kids sick?  Why does everything have to be so hard?  Why did God do this to me?   My prayer life was almost non-existent for a while.  If you don't have anything nice to say....don't say anything at all.  Right?  Well I didn't have anything nice to say to God.  At all.  As a matter of fact, I think I got into a couple of knock-down, drag-out fist fights with God.  He always won of course.  For some reason He always has the last Word.  I guess that whole having it written down in a book thing gets us every time.  So if I look back on my Epic Fail:  the times that I did pray were better.   One amazing truth:  YOU have nothing to do with losing your faith....I rejected God's grace and resisted my faith.  As the 2 year old sings, "Baby Jesus, where are you?"  Things are so simple for the 2 year old.   I am going to manufacture more time for my God...

Love....How hard is it to love yourself?  Very hard.  Again, I don't care what you say:  No one is happy with everything about themselves.  And you should  be.  If we can all find the peace within ourselves instead of trying to make peace with ourselves, we can learn to love ourselves.  Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī....the thirteenth-century Persian poet.  His work is written in the Sufi tradition.  It is an exploration into the meaning and miracles of love.  Rumi's writings have been translated into many languages; he is now one of the most universally read spiritual writers of our time.  I suggest you read some of his writings.  You will discover a new self and a new love for yourself and others.  

When the 2 year old smears poo on himself and tells me he just flushed my iPhone 4 down the toilet, I shall Eat my words, Pray for his safety, and Love him all the more...because he doesn't know any better and it's not his fault. 

When the 10 year old refuses to clean her room...again....like she has for the the last 4 or 5 months, I shall Eat some Salt and Vinegar chips, Pray that the Goodwill is open, and Love her reaction to an empty room....because maybe she will learn to be grateful for the things she has.  Not everyone has things.

When the 15 year old bites my head off and tells me I need to have a good reason to call him out of the dungeon that is his room:  I shall Eat a bag if Lindor Truffles, Pray that he finds a better relationship with God, and Love the look on his face when I tell him he just lost his XBOX 360 for a month....because maybe he will learn how to respect authority.

When the spouse says "Hey!  I was thinking..."  I shall Eat a $5 pizza with him, Pray his idea doesn't cost us any money, and Love his stupid idea.....because he has made it home safely yet again.  So I can.  

So....no more Epic Fail.  I will manufacture time to Eat, Pray, Love....that is my resolution. 

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."

Rumi